Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Randomize
