left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
