I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
