About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
