I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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