sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I believe in your delicious
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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