WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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