i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
