If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
