I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
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Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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