How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
