I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
