Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
