Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
