I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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