Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
