community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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