I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
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Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
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I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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