dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
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I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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