: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
