he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it was like eating out sand paper
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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