Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
