We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
