I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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