If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
