I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
