i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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