I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
