Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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