well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize