Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
