You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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