I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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