Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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