ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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