So drunk its hurt
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
