my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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