Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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