He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
