May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
