you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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