So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
