I think I won the penis lottery.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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