Jerry, you need to find god
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
