even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
