Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
