I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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