she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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