And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
