i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
