I'm gonna have a badass scar
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
