I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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