Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
