i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
