I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You need a sexual gate keeper
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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