sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
