i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
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I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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