I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
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Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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