well he's currently spooning the coffee table
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
