he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
