Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
