you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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