Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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