Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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