Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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