i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
